Competition

       For the first competition, we are divided into teams and I have a queasy feeling.  What have I done?  I really dislike teams, in fact, most competition in general.  I am about as anti- team sports as you can get. I don't like the underlying group antagonism, the us vs. them.  I much prefer individual sports and the challenge of besting your self. Yet here I am, wearing a red fleece - committed to helping my team for weeks, if I can make it.
       Again... what have I done?
        I lied... to myself mostly.  I watched past episodes and thought - what fun!  How challenging!  I'd love to do that!  As competitions go, Alt for Norge is nice - they switch teams, they do their best to promote a general mood of affection among contestants.  I can do that!
        I REALLY WANT TO GO TO NORWAY.
       For my audition tape, I think up the snappy line that "its time brains and experience trump beauty and brawn."  I almost believe myself.
       When the producers ask me in my interview if I am competitive, I hedge.  I admit that I don't really like to win for the sake of winning, but that I compete against myself and, if I'm next to someone, I want to be better than them.
       I lie.  The reality is I am a wild card. Sometimes I get the competitive urge, most times I don't. I'm a fickle competitor, probably not a horse to bet on. I don't like the feeling of competition, the distance you have to place between yourself and others. Why push to win if it creates that distance? Yes, this is an unrealistically friendly attitude. If I like someone, I find I don't care as much about winning.  I'm only really competitive if I'm pissed off, but I don't like the way that feels.
       So,  what to do?  I feed off the others.  They are young and its all still a game to them.  They are not jaded and bitter like I am.  I can do this! I will not let them down. I can have fun.  I am in NORWAY!
Go RED team!!!